I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
