I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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