I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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