I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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