And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
