I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
