so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're too hungover to prance.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
