I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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