He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This is the high leading the old right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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