you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
