college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
