FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
