a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
