you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
