I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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