I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
