She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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