It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
