if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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