This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
