Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
