I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
