We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
