You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
