how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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