Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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