Sponge bath it is.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
