Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize