Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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