that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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