What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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