pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
