I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
