heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
