I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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