reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
