dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He kissed a someone with a penis
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
