her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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