bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
