i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
