Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
