I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
