remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
