You're completely useless in the revolution.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
