omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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