I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
