im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
