i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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