Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
