Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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