My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
