this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
