plz talk dirty to me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
